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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036493">To keep the gentle curse of dreams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrenvibes/pseuds/Wrenvibes'>Wrenvibes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ahsoka Tano Gets a Hug, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bonds, Force Visions, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No Romance, The Force, Trauma, anakin doesn’t fall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:28:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrenvibes/pseuds/Wrenvibes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ahsoka has a vision after she defeats Darth Maul that shakes her to her core. Luckily, she isn’t alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A reaction fic to “Phantom Apprentice”.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex &amp; Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>325</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To keep the gentle curse of dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I really hope y’all like this fic. I couldn’t get this idea out of my head, and what started as a small tumblr musing ended up turning into a full oneshot. </p><p>Title from “Essay on Craft” by Ocean Vuong.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The end of the world for Ahsoka Tano came in one moment.</p><p>There was sweat cooling on her brow, clammy in the freezing night air. It was colder here, high above the capital city. So high that all of the clones she could see below were more fuzzy white dots than they were people, that the smoke clouds were just gray ghosts on the horizon. Growing curls of red and orange and yellow flame climbed the buildings like creeping vines, the sound of superheated glass crackling in the air like thunder.</p><p>They had taken Maul. Her mission here was over, and she almost missed it already. The thrill of battle, the cold metal of her lightsabers growing warm in her palms...</p><p>Her lightsabers, that was right. Kriff. Anakin had kept them for her all this time, and she had already lost them again? </p><p>Well, it wasn’t as if he was around to know that right now- she would check with her troops, surely someone would have thought to pick them up. It was nice, to be able to worry over something small again. It meant the worst was over.</p><p>Her body hadn’t quite realized that yet. The familiar, pounding rush of adrenaline in her veins made her limbs tingle, her head shockingly clear for someone who had just dueled a Sith Lord and won. She’d <em>won</em>. She had looked Maul in the face when he’d dragged her former Master’s name through the mud and she had called him a liar. She had remembered what Maul did to Obi-Wan’s master, and to Satine, and to countless others. What he had done to the citizens of Mandalore. Ahsoka had fought for <em>them</em>, more than she fought for Bo-Katan, more than she fought for the Republic. Instead of giving the bitter bastard another excuse for vengeance, she had defeated him.</p><p>Maul was tied up now, taken by the dropship after her stunt on the support beams. She didn’t know how they planned on keeping him restrained, but her instincts told her that Bo-Katan had planned for that. Everything was accounted for.</p><p>It was finally over, and Ahsoka took a second to breathe before it was time for her to jump down to one of the ships, already poised to catch her. She tried not to look down, the vertiginous distance making her head spin.</p><p>There was no lying about it, that stunt with the force had taken a lot out of her. She’d been a little out of practice, as of late. While her jar’kai form hadn’t lost its edge, the whole ‘moving human beings with your mind’ thing was taxing for even the most disciplined of Jedi. When you didn’t practice for a while, moves like that did a number on you.</p><p>Embarrassingly enough, it showed in this moment of brief respite. Her hands shook more than they had in weeks, and her muscles felt detached and tingly, like rubber bands stretched near their breaking point. Overexerting herself like that had her woozy, and there was a headache starting to pulse behind her eyes. That would be awful later, she thought, but that was a problem for future Ahsoka.</p><p>Ahsoka’s knees wobbled, and with that, she decided it was a good idea to get down before she hurt herself up here. She didn’t want to sour the taste of victory by making a fool of herself in front of everyone. The transport ship below her was hovering in place, Rex awaiting her onboard. </p><p>
  <em> <b>One.</b> </em>
</p><p>Ahsoka bounced lightly on the balls of her feet, as if she was standing at the edge of a diving board. Easy business, she’d done this a million times.</p><p>
  <em> <b>Two.</b> </em>
</p><p>She inhaled, and remembered Anakin’s early lessons on the perfect Jedi dramatic landing. Lead with a strong jump, flip in the air, and stick the landing like your life damn well depended on it. (In most cases, it did.) Most Jedi nailed it first try without instruction, but she found the penchant for dramatic flare that she and Anakin shared made it a little more fun.</p><p>
  <em> <b>Three.</b> </em>
</p><p>Ahsoka didn’t have time to do anything before the carefully guarded doorway to her mind was torn off its hinges. It felt like someone had embedded a vibroblade deep into her gut and twisted, her whole world beginning to shatter into a thousand pieces as a chasm in the force was ripped open.</p><p>Yellow eyes like those of a snake, the same terrible color as Maul’s. The only emotion that registered in those eyes was the quivering and ferocious blight that was pure hatred, staring into her soul, sickening her to her very core.</p><p>Funny, she thought deliriously. She’d always expected the color of hatred to be red. Red, like blood or fire or both. But Ahsoka reasoned that blood was what gave life, and that fire could keep her warm. There was nothing warm about this, sulfuric yellow with fevered red rings around the pupils. Every ounce of life had been drained from those eyes until only pure, unadulterated suffering remained. To look into them was like staring directly into the sun; her eyes burned, she was burning- </p><p>The scene changed. Before her, there was the sky, precisely the way she remembered it from when her and Anakin would sneak out onto the roof of the Jedi Temple to stargaze. He would point out the constellations to her- some of them were ones he knew from Obi-Wan or his mother, and the others were ones they’d just made up. <em>There’s the Krayt-dragon, and this one is supposed to be the great tree of the force.... And see- that one over there kind of looks like Jabba, doesn’t it?</em></p><p>When Ahsoka turned to Anakin to respond, he wasn’t there. Neither were the curved structures of the temple’s roof, nor the bustling streets of Coruscant below them. She was suspended in sky, with no sense of which way was up or down.</p><p>One by one, the stars dimmed, and then flickered out entirely. Each one that died felt like a punch to the gut, pummeling her over and over again. Constellations vanished before her eyes, every inch of the starry expanse she’d mapped out with her former master gone without a trace. </p><p>And then came the screaming. A high-pitched, mournful wail, so loud she nearly felt like her eardrums were going to rupture. Yellow eyes, staring, watching, waiting. There was a weight on Anakin’s end of her bond with him, like bricks tied to her boots, like gravity turned up double on a malfunctioning ship. It felt cold, slithery, making her shiver in fits as goosebumps prickled over her arms. She reached out into the force even though she knew it was wrong, feeling for the familiar blazing warmth of Anakin- a summer storm with the scent of ozone hanging in the air. <br/>Instead, it was like plunging her head into a bucket of ice water. She was drowning in it, her limbs numb and lungs seizing with great effort as she was dragged down, down, down- </p><p>And at the last possible second, her mind was hers again, the abyss finally releasing her. Ahsoka’s eyes opened to the smeared twilight around her. There was a cold sensation crawling through her body like insects were swarming all over her. <em>Mandalore</em>, she thought, her head swimming. Maul was captured. She could go home.</p><p>Where was home? Where was <em>Anakin?</em></p><p>Ahsoka reached, and reached- she was so, so close, she could feel the very edge of her master’s warmth right at her fingers. If she could just call a little louder, just a little louder-</p><p>
  <em>Snips?</em>
</p><p>Anakin Skywalker’s summer storm of familiarity and warmth cradled her once again, and before she could stop herself, Ahsoka fell. </p><p>The fall, realistically, only lasted seconds. She wouldn’t have known the difference if it hadn’t- with how the sensation stretched on, it could have lasted years. Frigid wind rushed past her face, howling in her ears and stinging her face. The city was a mess of painted light below her, and her vision tilted sharply. Everything was spinning, and she felt a shudder pass through her. In the next second, she felt the warm arms close around her, and that was more than enough reassurance for her to finally pass out.</p><p>However, her peace didn’t last long. Chatter and panicked voices cut through the haze. Desperate calls, shouting- waking was fluttering just out of her reach, she was too weak... </p><p>“—Commander!” Rex’s voice rang through Ahsoka’s ears, but it sounded distorted and far away, like she was deep underwater. “<em>Ahsoka, </em>talk to me,” Louder this time, his voice high and thin with panic. Warm hands cupped her face.</p><p>She thought that if she tried to move, she might faint again. Ahsoka settled for opening her eyes, the image of the small dropship and Rex’s blurry, concerned face swimming into view.<br/>Her head was spinning, and her mouth tasted like ash. Ahsoka could feel something warm and wet trickling down her chin, and she knew immediately it was blood.</p><p>“Hey.. <em>E</em><em>asy, </em>easy, kid. Take it easy.” Rex had one arm secured around her shoulders, his palm warm against the middle of her back. She was shivering in fits, her skin crawling and clammy, and she wondered for a moment if she was dying. “I need a blanket and a medkit, <em>now- </em>someone get the General on comms,” Rex barked to the nearest trooper, and Ahsoka tried to protest. Anakin was on an important mission, there was no way in hell that they’d reach him at a time like this. However, her voice was useless in her throat, and all she could eke out was a small groan.</p><p>Her eyes began to slip shut again as someone (presumably Rex) wrapped her in a thick, scratchy blanket, her skin prickling at the sensation. She heard the faint beep of a portable medical scanner, and a frustrated sigh. “Ahsoka- come on, stay with me. We’re getting you to the <em>Resolute</em> so you can get a proper lookover, alright? The basic scan turned up negative for anything major, but you still need to get seen by a medic just to make sure you’re okay. Can you tell me what happened?” Rex’s voice was frantic, but his words floated through her mind, her overtaxed brain refusing to process what they meant.</p><p>“Anakin,” she mumbled, her tongue feeling thick in her mouth suddenly as she tried to find the words. “Was s’cold, somethin’s wrong...” She flinched, growing more agitated as she remembered Anakin’s agony and exhaustion through the force. “Rex, something’s <em>wrong</em>,” Her voice was clearer this time, high and distressed, and he held her steady.</p><p>“I know- I know, we’ll get everything sorted out, I promise. We’re trying to get ahold of the General right now.”<br/>There was a soft jolt as they landed on the ground, and Ahsoka found herself clinging to Rex, her hands shaking. Maybe all of her was shaking, she wasn’t sure.</p><p>Her vision tilted suddenly as she felt him shift, and he lifted her off of the floor, keeping the blanket wrapped snug around her. The change in position made her whimper in protest, and Rex shushed her. “I gotcha, you’re okay,” she felt precarious and dizzy, like her vision could spiral into darkness at any minute again.</p><p>There was more frantic chatter that she could only catch pieces of, until another familiar voice rang out, cold and clear in nature. Lady Bo-Katan. Her presence made Ahsoka’s stomach lurch, and it had nothing to do with her current condition.</p><p>“What’s wrong with her?” The press of cold fingers against her brow made Ahsoka shiver even more violently before they withdrew.</p><p>”No fever. We already scanned her.”</p><p>“...I don’t understand. If she’s not sick, then...”</p><p>“We don’t know- I’m taking her to the ship. It takes a while for someone to get here from Coruscant- we’re calling back General Skywalker, I’m not keeping her on the <em>Resolute</em> without any other Jedi there, not when she’s in this state....” Rex trailed off, and Ahsoka looked at him, dazed and fearful. Her eyes flicked to Bo-Katan for only a moment, as if watching her for more than a second would burn her.</p><p>”You dropped these.” Bo-Katan handed Ahsoka’s lightsabers to her, and to her own embarrassment she nearly dropped them again. She managed to clip them to her belt, nearly flinching at the sensation of the cold metal in her hands. <em>I took care of them for you,</em> Anakin’s voice echoed through her like the aftershocks of an earthquake as she remembered the moment she had looked up at his face. The same familiar half-grin, lopsided and with just enough candor to be endearing. When her vision cleared, her eyes were stinging. She blinked over and over, refusing to let the tears fall. Ahsoka wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed when it worked.</p><p>“Please tell me we don’t have another spiraling, vision-haunted force user to lock up,” Her voice was colored with a note of distaste that left a sour taste in Ahsoka’s mouth. She recalled the late Duchess Kryze mentioning the force-suppressing boxes that Mandalore traditionally used to imprison rogue force users, and an icy pit formed in her stomach.</p><p>“We are not locking anyone up except for Maul, and she is not spiraling,” Rex was deadly calm, his words oozing with a venom that was uncharacteristic of him. “Commander Tano says something is wrong. Very wrong, and when J- people like her say that, you don’t take it lightly,” Before Bo-Katan could respond, there was another wave through the force.</p><p>A harsh shockwave of fear and panic and pain wracked her body, and she seized in Rex’s arms, gasping for breath. Her muscles were twitching like they weren’t quite in her control, and every inch of her felt cold. It was like ice creeping over her limbs, and Rex swore in alarm. “Come on, Commander. Stay with me, now, tell me what’s going on,” He squeezed her hand, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to snap her out of her daze.</p><p>Ahsoka didn’t know how to answer him. It was like something had reached into her brain and jumbled around every piece of her, leaving her thoughts a tangled up mess. The only thought she could manage was Anakin, god, <em>Anakin</em>, what had happened? What was happening now? She didn’t dare look into their bond again- she couldn’t handle it. Her nose was bleeding again, and she pressed the back of her palm to her nose. Her vision tunneled when her glove came away bloody, even though she had known it was going to.</p><p>“I’m bleeding,” she managed, her voice small and matter of fact. Rex nodded, a small sigh escaping him. “Why am I bleeding?”</p><p>Rex stopped walking for a moment, and she noticed they were almost back to the transport shuttle. She wasn’t sure when they’d gotten there, or how they’d gotten there, which should have worried her more than it did.</p><p>“I don’t know, kid. That’s why you’re going to sickbay, as quick as we can get you there, okay? You’re going to be fine,” Rex’s voice wavered in a way Ahsoka really didn’t like. It didn’t sound like he was certain, but then again... she wasn’t certain either.</p><p>Ahsoka could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears, blood rushing as she tried to close her eyes and meditate. Maybe if she could calm herself down a little, she could make sense of what had happened, why she’d fallen...</p><p>Big mistake. Her eyes closed, her mind finally managing to settle down. Seconds after, her mind was plunged into complete and total darkness, an abyss of cold freezing dark. Around her was nothing. She could feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing, it was the most alone she had ever been in her life. Togruta were a heavily pack reliant race, she remembered. It was in her DNA to want, and to be wanted. It was in her DNA to need, and be needed. Here, there was nothing but the cold end. No one wanted her, or needed her, or even remembered that she had once been there.</p><p><em>Forget</em>, the abyss urged.</p><p>The darkness was approaching. It was like a tidal wave, like thick black smoke pouring in all around her. It choked her, filling her mouth and nose and throat- that flame within her that Anakin had always talked about was dimming. Fire could not survive without energy, without heat, without air. She felt so small, like she was the only person left in the entire galaxy. But she held onto that flame, she encouraged it with the last of her breath, any remaining warmth that was left in her. </p><p><em>Remember</em>, the fire urged.</p><p>Ahsoka woke up screaming. There was light all around her, too bright, her eyes burned with the sheer brilliance of it. The pain of waking, of awareness, assaulted her senses, and she screamed until her throat was raw. She was crying, her shoulders hitching as she fought, begging and pleading wordlessly for it to stop. Someone’s arms were around her shoulders, holding her fast as she struggled and lashed out.</p><p>Words, disjointed and scattered. Not hers- there was talking and shouting all around her.</p><p>“Sedate her, quick—“</p><p>“—Heart rate is too high, get another medic-“</p><p>“Where is the force-damned General—!”</p><p>“Ahsoka, it’s me, stop, you’re going to hurt yourself-“</p><p>Rex’s voice was the last thing she heard before there was a pinch at her neck, numbness flooding her limbs as she lost consciousness again. Unlike before, she didn’t have to fight the abyss. A different kind of darkness cradled her in a familiar embrace- the embrace of sleep- and Ahsoka let it drag her down without a moment’s hesitation.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Ahsoka woke to the gentle droll of machinery, the static background hum of a starship mixed with a rhythmic beeping sound she couldn’t quite pinpoint. The smell of antiseptic clued her in- the medbay. It had been a long time, but clearly the Resolute had hardly changed at all.</p><p>The underlying current of terror was gone, her mind calm and still like the sea after a storm. Something felt different, her senses told her. There was a piece that she had been missing, that she hadn’t quite realized was returned to her until she really felt whole again. </p><p>So that was what it was. That sense of completion. Among the soft hum of medical equipment and engines, there was another sound. Breathing, maybe? Someone was beside her, and there was a hand holding hers. Her brain was just a little too fried to comprehend what this meant just yet, so she laid there for a few moments more, relishing in whatever this familiar sensation was. </p><p>Finally, Ahsoka took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. The sensation transformed from familiarity with no context into a presence she recognized so easily it made her ache down to her bones.</p><p>Anakin’s mouth was drawn into a thin line with worry, the same faint scent of engine oil and ozone clinging to his clothes. His eyes widened at the same moment as hers did, blinking down at her as if he’d seen a ghost. His brow furrowed slightly, but before he could speak, Ahsoka beat him to it. </p><p>“You came,” She tried not to let her voice waver, but she couldn’t stop the break in her words when she realized it was his hand that was clutching hers. He nodded, and managed a weak smile.</p><p>There was a beat of silence, and she squeezed his fingers hard, as if she was making sure he was real. The cool grip of his durasteel hand reassured her, a promise instead of a vice. </p><p>“Rex told me what happened, how could I not? I nearly had a heart attack when I heard,” He exhaled a long sigh. “I’m thrilled to hear your flair for the dramatic hasn’t faded, though I have to say- that was bold even for you,” Anakin was just teasing, but that made it worse somehow, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes.</p><p>“I learned from the best.” Ahsoka bit down hard enough on her lip that it nearly drew blood. She still managed a smile, even as her chin trembled. Anakin let out a soft laugh, shaking his head minutely.</p><p>Before she knew what was happening, she choked on a sob, her eyes pooling with tears. Not able to look at Anakin’s face, she clung onto his prosthetic with both of her hands. She was too exhausted to sit up and properly hug him, so she pressed her face to the cold metal instead, seeking more of that precious familiarity. Her whole body shook with the force of her sobs, shudders rolling through her in waves. It had been months since she’d properly cried. Ahsoka thought the feeling of it might break her, that maybe now that she’d started she’d never be able to stop.</p><p>“Kriff- c’mere, it’s okay,” Anakin sat down on the edge of the bed, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and levering her up.</p><p>Ahsoka swayed forward and Anakin caught her, rubbing her back in slow circles as she settled into his arms. She clung to his tunic and cried. Her eyes burned and her head ached because she was sobbing so hard- it felt like she had stared into the sun for too long, and the pain of nearly losing Anakin was too much.</p><p>In that moment, for the first time in a long time, Ahsoka let herself break for a while. What was one more breakdown in the middle- or end- of a war? What was the harm in letting someone hold her through it?</p><p>Ahsoka didn’t want to know the answer, and at this point, she hardly cared. After a few long minutes of tears, her breathing started to even out, her shuddering subsided to just trembling. Even when she stopped crying, Anakin didn’t let go of her.</p><p>“I thought- I thought-“ her voice wavered, and she remembered the cold that she had felt within their bond. Anakin simply shushed her, his hand a warm anchor at the center of her back. <em>I thought you were gone. I thought the darkness got you. I thought I was never going to see you again. </em></p><p>But she didn’t say any of those things out loud. Putting words to the sensation she’d felt through the force felt like tempting fate, and she wasn’t about to risk losing him again. The very thought of how it had felt to look into that darkness made her chest heave again, a tiny sound escaping her throat. </p><p>“C’mon, Snips, you really thought you could get rid of me that easily?” Anakin said, and Ahsoka froze, a soft breath escaping her. She realized she hadn’t heard that nickname in nearly a year. It was somehow the scariest and most wonderful thing she’d ever heard, all at once.</p><p>Instead of responding immediately, she squeezed him tighter, her face pressed into his shoulder. </p><p>“I dunno, Skyguy. But I’m really glad you’re here.” Ahsoka’s voice was muffled by his tunic, and she felt Anakin let out a long, long sigh. There was a sensation in the force as he did, like a thunderstorm dissipating into gentle pattering rain. The worst was over, she thought.</p><p>“I’m glad too, Ahsoka. I’m glad too.”</p>
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